Dim Reflections

The plane turned to the left leaving me with a  view half filled with the stars shining in the night sky and half filled with the night lights of the city. I thought about the stars. How dim they look compared to the city's night lights, and yet in reality they are so much brighter. Our best light-bearing creations can't even begin to compare to the light that stars produce which we see from millions of miles away. Then I thought about how intricate and wonderfully made man is down to the most minuscule detail--made in the image of the creator.  We often glorify man and the things of this world above the creator because of our limited perspective and knowledge of the universe just as my perspective of the two lights of night from the plane deceived me into thinking the city lights were brighter than the stars. And yet, compared to the majesty, glory, and holiness of God, we are but dim reflections, like the night lights of the city compared to the stars. 

To Whom it Rightfully Belongs

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 –So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Wow. Reading this passage this morning was just what I needed to sink my teeth into.  I am always skeptical to compare my “hardships” with others’.  However, the past few weeks in my student teaching semester, I have been feeling the need to work on accepting humility.  In the teaching field, and especially as a student teacher, there is never an “I have made it” point.  There will always be areas to say, “I could have done this better or I should have handled the situation this way.”  I have found myself, however, discontent with my performance.  I am often critical of myself, but in the past I have given myself grace knowing that I am only a student.  I wondered if the problem was that I did not see myself as student anymore. Or maybe I just was not meant to be a teacher for little children?  These have been some of my thoughts as of late.

Paul tells the Corinthians that he will boast all the more gladly in his weaknesses so that the power of Christ will rest upon him.  My weaknesses are not the same as Paul’s weaknesses, but I still can apply what he says to my own life and current experiences.  I want to see my failings in all areas as an opportunity to allow Christ’s power to rest upon me.  I am shifting my mind to be content in my weakness with the hope that with Christ’s power, what I put my hand to can succeed.  With that mindset, I, all the more naturally and eagerly, can give all the glory and praise to Whom it rightfully belongs.

Who am I?

Being with family always makes me wonder who I really am. 

Am I the zombie I become after a few days or weeks of being home? Or am I the laid back, cheesy, sarcastic girl I become around my close friends and acquaintances? 

At home I feel the expectations of being who I have always been or at least was when I was last home.  There exists a fear in me to look hypocritical to my family if I act differently than I did before I left home. In the process, however, I wonder if I actually become hypocritical. 

When I enter zombie mode, I know it's happening. And I hate it. I almost wonder if it's a little like depression. It isn't hopeless, it's more apathetic. I can't hardly describe why I become like that or what is happening. Maybe it is that fear--the fear of being re-nown by those who knew me best, my family, and discovering they don't like the new me (if it is really a new me.)

So which is it? Who am I? 

Haven't figured it all out yet, but that's ok. I'm trying to figure out who I am while resting in the truth of Whose I am-- a daughter of the King, known by my Father deeper than I could ever know myself, and loved, unconditionally and infinitely, by the One Who is Love--which is vastly more important anyway.