Money Can't Buy Me Happiness

Money can't buy me happiness, I keep telling myself. There exists a yearning I often feel for some "thing". It isn't so much a "thing" as it is a a "Who" whom I, in my natural state, disguise into something materialistic. At Christmas I find it difficult to differentiate between my true yearning and my disguised yearning. How did Christmas become more about getting and giving? Every year the struggle of highlighting "the real meaning of Christmas" appears, and yet every year I struggle with focusing too much on the presents I will be opening. I think, "this 'thing' will make me happy' or "once I have this, I'll be keeping up with everybody else". And every year, a few days after Christmas, the "joy" from my presents is lost. Lasting joy doesn't come from presents under the star on the tree, from my wants being met. Lasting joy comes from the Present that came under the brightest star, where the deepest needs are met. 

This year I felt a greater joy in giving, not that I gave very much :/. For the first time I was more excited to see my siblings' reactions to good gifts I knew they were opening. I felt this to the extreme of feeling guilty for the presents I opened. For years I was, and actually still am, known in my family as the one who gets the most presents. I love "little cool things" as I used to ask for for Christmas and birthdays. I knew if the presents were "little" I could get more of them. That's rather embarrassing to admit. Now, however, I find my desire for "little cool things" to be somewhat superfluous. It isn't that I don't want stuff I don't need; I still do.  I hope that the reason for the change is the work of the Spirit teaching me the joy in giving rather than receiving. 

Receiving isn't wholly bad though. In fact it may be better. Christ came to earth to serve. To become a follower of Christ, one must receive His life and sacrifice. To receive Christ one must humbly acknowledge and repent of his brokenness. To receive is to humble oneself.

Perhaps if I had first learned the joy of giving, I would better understand the secret of receiving. 

"Oh Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; Where there is hatred let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy. Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."-St. Francis of Assisi